Tuesday, December 29, 2009


You know what I notice? that about 98% of the girls I know(and that I will meet most likely) always have one trait in common, and I am making a very true generalization here, most of these girls I know/meet always feel so...self-righteous.

let's first begin with the definition of what being self-righteous is:
Self-righteousness (also called sententiousness) is a feeling of smug moral superiority derived from a sense that one's beliefs, actions, or affiliations are of greater virtue than those of the average person.

It's no secret that every girl is a hater and can never be genuinely happy for anyone else but herself(I am most certain I will get hated on if any girl actually stumbles upon this).That is fine though, that hate has been happening for so long that it's actually something that's mostly accepted and ignored nowadays, it's like saying the word "nigga"(a word that is part of my daily vocabulary), lets go back to the self righteous stuff though.

Almost all girls have this part in their brains in which somehow they are cooler(although being lame is considered cool right now, but only if you are lame in a nice quirky way), have better fashion sense(yeah man, to the thrift store, it will compensate for the $200 shoes), better taste in music(God forbid you like nickelback), better opinions(which they will let you know through their facebook statuses or twitter updates), will always look down on sluts(It's more okay to get fisted in the ass by one dude than to have fucked five dudes),"have no regrets" and "are just living life",and it is guaranteed that they are "better" than the girl their ex is now dating,etc. thats every girl you meet, dude...specially the ones I be messing with.

Every once in a while you get the girl with the normal size ego, but those are rare.so what is my point here? girls will always have a big stick riding up their ass no matter what, so I don't know why I'm even complaining(shit, I just wasted my time typing that only to come to this obvious conclusion?life=wasted).

Saturday, December 26, 2009

so i made a playlist for no reason..

selling out hard. thoughts?

1.Animal Collective- "my girls"
2.Passion Pit- "cuddle fuddle"
3.Arcade Fire- "no cars go"
4.Artifex Pereo- "posture and progress"
5.Bloc Party- "this modern love"
6.The Horrors- "who can say"
7.Company Of Thieves- " the tornado song"( thinking of replacing w/"oscar wilde")
8.HORSE the band-" Cutsman"
9.Bat For Lashes- "the wizard"
10.TV On The Radio- "lover's day"
11.Explosions In The Sky- "a poor man's memory"
12.Crystal Castles- "courtship date"
13.Interpol- "leif erickson"
14.Manchester Orchestra- "alice and interiors"
15.Grizzly Bear- "deep sea diver"
16.Tides Of Man- "create couldn't keep up"
17.Dan Deacon- "snookered"

Friday, December 25, 2009

"It all makes sense, were capable of beauty, with sounds that make us cringe,the dogs only hear us now."

so this girl I've been trying to get on, she told me her mom will not let her hangout with me unless I meet her first, it's an understandable mom thing to say. the reason why we can't hang out is because I guess she told the mom about me, and I the mom does not like that I am 19,jobless, and do not go to school.hahaha. that was like such a "goddamn, this lifestyle is catching up to me" kind of blow. But this isn't isn't going to be about me and my end of teenage years crisis, this will focus on the whole deal with the girl.

I don't know why I didn't expect this, it's Mexican parents, which are as wild as they come when it comes to their daughters. I guess after messing with like white girls where questions such as "can my boyfriend spend the night?" are fairly common, I forget that sometimes people still do give a fuck.
Now, the mom gives a fuck, but do I? I mean, sure I'm kinda offended that the girl didn't just straight up lie to her or saw me in secret a couple times before mentioning me to her mom.but I mean, it's not really a big deal, I've met parents before, I KNOW her mom will love me and forget all about how much I'm blowing it at life right now.It's just that I don't know if I want to throw the time and effort that this will take, since there is a change that if I do get her I'm just gonna screw her and then dip out like I been doing lately(I've told you I'm an asshole). But I mean,I like her, she's great, maybe it is worth it...we'll see. I just gotta keep telling myself that if anything, it's worth it because she has pretty big boobs(shallow, but it's actually a big motivator of a thought).
Mike Robz got me in the mood to listen to between the buried and me again, so I been jamming to the silent circus tonight after finally getting it...I want to download the great misdirect, but I'm afraid it will be not that good if its anything like colors was. anyway, Merry Christmas...I hope all is well.
I spent it with my family at my uncle's house, which is always boring, nothing wrong with them at all, its just that well, I hate gatherings of any sort, what?I'm not very social.

Peter enjoyed the crap santa brought him. There's really no other highlights to this, oh yeah, Tony called me, he was drunk on church wine.I always enjoy his calls because the next day I get to make up shit like "dude, you said you loved me and that you wanted to suck my dick", and he denies it with uncertainty. fun.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

me and jose actually came up with the idea of making an ALL-ALAN blog later. not about him being dead or anything, but just like, various stories that we have from him during all the years we shared together, it's a neat idea but were both too lazy to start it, and besides, all alan stories would take a total of one sentence to tell, and it would neither make it justice nor would it make sense to anyone reading this, example:
we once went to mcdonalds at the water tower and he ordered a whopper on accident.

see, not that great of a story to you, but to us that was great.

neat idea. but it will probably never happen.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

my penis hides from my ex-girlfriend.

my plans to go see horse the band were quickly put to rest by the fact that my dad made me do some work with him, that took for hours, so I couldnt leave for chicago until 6:24,which was still fine time to make the show, except that I was a bit skeptical of walking around that neighborhood at night. Last time I was there I almost ended up in the projects if it werent for some nice lady who walked with me on the right direction...then proceeded to hustle me for her bus fare in exchange. So that did not work out, so I texted tony instead so we could go eat at commander or something...luckily he was just getting out of work so it worked perfectly. We stopped at target first where I purchased a harmonica(that peter took over when i got home). Alexa was working tonight(see the girl in the picture on the previous post, thats her). It's always a bit awkward to see her and this time was no exception. I talked to her when tony was paying the check, it actually wasn't bad...i showed her my harmonica.
the title to this however comes from the fact that before we left, I went to use the bathroom, and when I took it out, it was the most shriveled up I have ever seen it...it was as if I had just gotten out of a pool, he could sense that danger was around him.haha. but I mean, she was cool, I bet she even tried to call me to say hi afterwards, unfortunately, I have not told her of my number change yet because... SHE AINT MA NIGGA!

Then we went to borders where i read a book about why social networking sites are bad.then we went home.

I was bummed out on not seeing horse the band, but the original original plan for yesterday was to go on a date with this girl named marcella. But that got canceled because she had to work. Lately I feel like she's trying to avoid me, which could just be me thinking that, but I dont know. if she was, its a shame because she seems like a really cool girl and because I was kinda looking forward to maybe getting to know her 32DD boobs[:. oh well.

Friday, December 4, 2009


My friend Jose is such an asshole sometimes, on this occasion, he sent me this picture of my dear(sarcasm!) ex-girlfriend Alexa with the words "YOU MAD" attached to it. fucking dick. My response to it was something along the lines of "already fucked her, so it's cool", because that's exactly what it is,cool.


I miss having the playboy channel. my dad decided to switch to regular cable. which means I can now watch Nip/Tuck and all these other shows that weren't available on the package of dish we had. I just miss waiting until everyone was asleep, going to the living room, and watching some porn with the volume turned up just loud enough(I can't watch porn on mute, what am I, some kind of weirdo?)and would just enjoy some nice, natural masturbation. Now, this reminds me of how one time, I was taking part in this activity, when all of a sudden my sister walked in from outside, now, neither one of us said a word, since I had caught her being out at insane hours of the night for a 15 year old girl, while she had caught me in a compromising position with Lisa Ann. So who was the loser here? her, who just got caught coming home late as fuck(let me add that I didn't even know she was out) or me who got caught by my little sister well, with my pants around my ankles? well,she got into a bit of trouble for that but i think the trauma of seeing me in that situation probably scarred her for life.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

"Even if a hipster ghosts on you, you’ll probably be forever haunted."

so the other day, I was talking to this girl I used to be "involved" with for a while. I'm not sure how the conversation got there but we started discussing our "relationship" or whatever, and we both realized that we never really got to know each other all that well, sure, I knew pretty much everything about her thoughts, and just her overall mind stuff, but as she pointed out, I never really got to know the way she acted, you know, physical quirks that we all have. I blame this on the fact that although we had something very emotional happening, she never wanted to hang out, why? she always explained to me by saying that she doesn't like feeling awkward in person, which I GUESS makes sense, except that it was total bullshit. She later told me that it was because she never forgave me for what I did, now, I knew I had done something wrong, and I apologized millions of times for what I did, the only problem that to this day I have is that I still have the big question that is, WHAT EXACTLY DID I DO? I understand that a big part of being sorry is knowing that you did wrong, but in this case, I never cared to ask because I knew I would just get some vague answer as if I was supposed to magically know. Was it because I broke up with her? Because I might or might not have been an asshole to her numerous times(who am I kidding, I was)? could be many things, yet I will never find out, it'd be nice to finally know, but as she told me in the same conversation "I look at that time with indifference now, it could have been better I know, but I'm just gonna put you in the list of things I know I messed up"--it's a good way to look at it, but she has always been one to not give a fuck about anything(that much I knew very well about her). I however am not the same way, so instead I am discussing this here on the internet haha. We have both found new opportunities since then and I hope she is very happy with whatever sh...wait no way am I taking the mature approach to this, I hope whatever you have going on fails, it would life's fair trade for wasting my fucking time for so long...and you didn't even put out, bitch. <===see, I am an asshole. and on that note, this is the end.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

5 things that life overhyped.

this is an entry I did on tumblr, and since I feel the need to get this blog going, I have decided to copy and paste it to here. I plan on doing all exclusives on here from now on though, but for now, read this:


I am a pessimist. This has been stated many times before, and if you know me, you know that my glass is half empty most of the time. I remember one time, my senior year English teacher met a friend of mine, and she told her "he's a lovely young man. He's very cynical though." from then on, I learned to embrace how much of a hater I really am. here is part of a much bigger list of things that all my life were made to be amazing, and then when I finally got to experience them, I was kind of let down.

1. the Ocean: you always hear people saying "OMG I went on vacation to _____, the ocean was so amazingly beautiful". I seen it at a very young age and as far as I can tell, I wasn't very impressed. In fact, I kind of got bummed out. It was one of those things where it was overwhelming to even dwell on the fact that this thing stretched as far as the eye can see. then you fucking venture yourself out into it and you realize that the water is salty, and that shit gets all up into your eyes, and your day is basically ruined right there. In case you werent aware, things live in the ocean, things that can very well bite you, sting you, or just pretty much kill you. I must have been about 8 the last time I saw the ocean, and I will say to this day, fuck the ocean.

2. High School: Don't get me wrong, high school was pretty nice, I enjoyed my time there and all, met some great people, did some fun shit, learned about life, etc. I'm talking about how years leading up to it, television made it seem so much more vicious than it actually was. the football team did not bury my head on a toilet, I never really got picked on, doing a cheerleader was an achievable goal, no one gave a shit about who won prom king, i managed to play pokemon everyday and carry a calculator in my pocket without ever getting called a nerd, etc etc etc(I won't dwell on this anymore).

3. Driving: it obviously has it's perks, and it's the 100% sure way to get laid no matter how little game you actually have. but no one told me i had to pay attention to so much shit going on around me, seriously, I have like the worst attention span, and now that I actually know how to drive and am able to do it, I feel it's so boring that sometimes I start daydreaming, and completely forget that I am taking part in a potentially deadly activity if I don't pay attention. Also, no one told me I would have to drive my drunk dad to wal-mart, ever.

4. sex: yeah, I said it. Every single thing possible in life hypes you up for the wonders of sex. I blame many things, including porn, yo niggas,and television are just some of them.there are many ways I could explain this, but we can all remember how slightly bummed out we were when our expectations were not met that first time, it was most likely awkward, messy, and the concept of sticking a penis into a vagina was easier said than done. and even after the initial couple of trial and error times, when you feel like you know what you're doing, no one told me it only got harder from there. then you actually have to worry about your performance(it really is such a competition) and put in ACTUAL work, I'm sorry to say this, but working out like I'm preparing for the Olympics for 45 minutes only to MAYBE have an orgasm that will last 10 seconds tops just does not seem worth it to me. I mean, don't get me wrong, I have experienced some pretty hot stuff with some nice girls(who some follow this blog, just my luck -.-),but after a while I realized that there are way more important things in life than that.and don't even get me started on the letdown that was anal sex(that should be part of a future list I will call "things that porn overhyped").

5. Live music: I've gone to my fair share of shows, concerts, whatever else the kids call it these days, and every single time I find myself at one of these, pressed against some sweaty stranger, I think to myself "why am I here?". then I break things down like this, okay, so I just payed X amount of money to stand inside a warm ass room(or outside in the sun) and see a band or artist play songs that i can listen to in the comfort of my own home, in much better quality,and with less annoyance, just so you can be like "yeah, I seen them live" and be cool. then I just feel silly and bow to take a break from these things, but it never happens and I always find myself back at one in no time. WHICH REMINDS ME: HORSE the band this weekend.excitement. <======yeah, hypocrite/10.

I have way more things I would want to add, but I don't want to drag this on any longer, specially since people don't like to read anymore.

Monday, November 30, 2009

oh boy

I suppose I have now joined another blogging site, I guess keeping up with my tumblr as well as all the other social networking sites wasn't enough for me. Truth is though, I want something a bit more private, this might just be able to appease me.
Lets begin with something fun, for the majority of my high school years I always claimed to be straight edge. It was one of the best decisions I ever made, I walked around Central High School with my head up high, being proud of that while everyone else was out there destroying their bodies I was focused on enjoying life sober, I didn't give a shit about all my friends going out to parties and fucking bitches, and getting drunk and fucked up in every kind of drug, I was just doing my own thing and for the most part it worked.Well, it did up until I realized that being straight edge had become nothing other than just the "cool" thing, seemed like everyone had forgotten what it was all about, and instead made it about wearing edge shirts with some basketball shorts to the hardcore show, where you could fucking throw down and maybe one of the cute but skanky scene girls there might want to suck your dick later on. so one day I just said to myself "fuck this" and went and had a beer with my friend tony. the next day, a very cute friend of mine, assuming because I had just informed her of my renouncing of my straight edge ways, decided it would be okay to fuck me. The sex was very meh for the both of us, but that wasn't the point, it just showed how much freedom I wasn't taking part in. After that it was more like I wanted to experience shit I had not before, I got drunk, I discovered my liking for cigarettes, fucked whores, and had very disappointing encounters with drugs.

Nowadays though, I think to myself that I really don't want to do none of this shit. Sometimes I say "I want to be straight edge" again, but then I figure that's way too fake for me to stomach. so I will be just regular, but my heart will forever be marked with an X.(lame enough closing sentence?)